How To Truly Love Yourself — And Change Your Entire Life
If you knew what true self-love could do for you, you’d already have learned how to love yourself long ago.
To be clear, self-care is not the same thing as self-love.
The definition of self-love is simply, “love of self,” whereas self-care is defined as, “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”
I love self-care, too. It’s an essential way to show love for yourself. So by all means, keep caring for yourself! If you have not been taking good care of yourself, you need to make the conscious practice of self-care a priority.
And if you’ve been lacking in self-love, it may be that you need a good dose of self-care in order to heal the pain that’s been keeping you from truly being open to loving yourself.
True self-love isn’t a part-time job.
When you only love part, or even half, of yourself, then what about the rest of you — the other parts, the other half? How do they get in your way of living a fulfilled life that’s aligned with your deepest truth?
True self-love is several steps wider and many steps deeper than self-care. Once you feel it, you can no longer leave any part of yourself out.
True self-love soothes the ache that lives in your soul — the deep yearning for your original state of oneness with your Self as the Divine.
Self-love can heal the split in your soul caused by all the parts of yourself you’ve disowned, judged, shamed or compromised.
It can connect you back to wholeness and oneness with the Divine, so you can receive the fruits of fulfillment from the inside out.
One way to do this is with a soul massage.
It’s different from a regular body massage and may need a little introduction.
I’m all for massages, especially when you are aching or need help relaxing. I love them as much as anyone. However, this question remains: “Is it enough?”
Does a massage reach the depth of the ache that lives in your soul from compromising your truth, your values, and your wisdom? How will you soothe and love the compromised parts that weren’t touched by the massage? Have you asked these parts what they need in order to find their true expression in this world, no matter what anyone else says?
This is what the deepest self-love is about: liberating your true Self — your soul — from the confines of compromise, sameness and trying to fit in.
Unless you also address the deeper tension in your soul, could a regular massage be just another way to ignore her signs to reach you, in the hopes they’ll go away? Could a body massage be like giving an ice cream to a child hoping it will stop the crying?
True self-love is soul love. It’s honoring and loving who you are at the core and opening up a way for your soul to come alive again.
That’s why a regular massage can’t make this deep tension go away, and won’t stop your inner “child” from crying. They are signs to help you turn back to your soul.
Your soul has a different agenda than compromising, fitting in and pleasing others. Your soul is on a different mission, and it’s not going to let you go. It’s your soul that you are longing for, which is why your search for peace and fulfillment can’t stop until you reconnect with your soul.
Self-love is about how you treat yourself, honor your values, listen to your needs and longings, and live in alignment with the promptings of your soul.
That, to me, is a soul massage, because it reaches the place that aches for Divine fulfillment and unique expression. It opens the door for your true Self to step out.
Many people judge themselves, don’t like themselves, or doubt themselves, all while thinking they just needed to change, fix something, or get rid of “this one little thing” about themselves they don’t like.
They are not aware that this behavior is exactly what’s standing in the way of what they want or hope for.
Trying to get rid of something you don’t like is a common practice that may work in some areas of your like, but in most, it won’t.
You can’t get rid of anything, really, because there’s nowhere for it to go. You can move it around, suppress it, ship it across the oceans, and project it onto someone else. But getting rid of it?
Where do you think the impact of your self-neglect and criticism could go if you try to get rid of it? Out of sight, out of mind?
More likely it will be out of sight, but still trapped in your body!
In order to transform and heal this hidden pain, you must learn how to love yourself.
When you stop trying to change, judge, or get rid of parts of yourself, you can transform and change the energy into something more sustainable and enjoyable.
So if you want to learn how to love yourself, please stop trying to get rid of any part of yourself. It’s not loving and it doesn’t work in the long run. It’s not sustainable.
Self-love, however, is.
Every single little part of you that is afraid, angry, sad, lonely, unhappy or ashamed is lacking one thing. This one thing will make every single little part feel safe, happy, relaxed, connected and confident.
This one thing is love. Every single part of you needs love.
Everything thrives on love, and nothing survives without it, but knowing this is not enough.
You need to know how to start loving yourself. You need practical steps that will help you learn this new skill, which means being willing to do the opposite of what the whole world is doing.
That takes some courage and a big dose of commitment because:
- Going against
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